I did solo night shift with my baby for the first 26 months…

It was my first 26months of Motherhood and Big E’s first 26 months of Babyhood…

When Big E was born, my arrangement for confinement was to move in with my in-laws so she could cook some meals for me and just bathe Big E. I wanted to and was confident that I could care for Big E on my own with little help. I didn’t want to manage a confinement lady too because I suspect I would get more anxiety attacks than rest.

And so we moved in and other than Big E’s stuff, most of other essentials were not exactly prepared. The birth notice was sudden as I started having contractions soon after my last follow up. I even completed the admission papers planning to be in on Mother’s Day. But the membrane sweep was too effective!

So around 28 hours after Big E’s birth, we were back home! My body felt like I have been put into a gunny sack and punched all over.

But the adrenaline is high! I felt like I wanted to do so much and be so hands on!

I was just staring at her and taking photos and researching for baby shower stuff the whole day, only taking a short nap after the postnatal massage (which was for 7 days).

My hubby continued working as per normal. Leaving around 8am and back around 630pm – 7pm. He is always overjoyed to see the little precious and after we have dinner together. He would cuddle her and do bottle feeding.

We had set up the extra master bedroom for ourselves and Big E. So the plan was to have Big E co-sleep with me on the Queen bed while he gets the mattress on the floor.

I had everything prepared in the room including milk powder, thermal flask of hot water and bottles (just in case I couldn’t latch or the pump time didn’t meet).

On the first night, she woke and drank and hubby jumped up to help. Then I realised that hey, actually I could have done it alone! But oh well, help is always good I Guess.

Boy, he looks like he just been to Spartan battle…

On the second night, she woke and drank and hubby stirred a little. And I told him it’s fine, I can handle it. Then I realised that yes I could do it better if I didn’t need to keep him hush hush while preparing the feed. I wanted to calm her so she wouldn’t wake hubby.

I am sure he fought aliens too….

On the third night, I told him to just go over to the next room to sleep. Because he was more of a hindrance! In his sleepy mode, he took his pillow and went to the next room.

And he never came back to the same room ever…. hahaha

We stayed with this arrangement till the end of confinement and it was the same back in our place. Our own master bedroom didn’t space for the mattress on floor and our baby cot couldn’t fit the door.

So I was in master bedroom while Big E was in baby cot places outside the room near the kitchen. While hubby was in other room on the other side of the house. (think: old hdb layout).

And this arrangement went on till Big E turned 26 months… when I gushed blood while I was pregnant with Small E (more on that in another post)…

You may be wondering why I opted for this arrangement instead of making hubby share the load…

Because I needed him to be safe… he drives and I was worried he would doze off from broken sleep…

Plus I would surely wake up to attend to Big E anyway. I didn’t feel that it was necessary for both to “suffer”. And I needed to wake to pump as well.

Sounds like the perfect Mum perfect Wife wannabe? Hahaha let me finally tell you the truth!

#confessionofamum

I have no regrets of making this decision BUT it was tough…

I had my nights of her puking on herself and in bed. Thankfully she didn’t kick up a fuss so I just cleaned her up and the bed. Throw a big towel over the spot and back to sleep.

I had my nights of her going cranky and crying non stop and I thought I was going mad soon.

I had my nights of struggling to stay awake to attend to her. But then again I struggled to fall asleep too. It was a bad cycle.

I had my nights of her night terrors but hubby got scared to death by the screams and he ran over to help.

I had my nights of checking on her as she was running fever or at times, I myself running fever.

What most mums have gone through in the night, I probably did too.

But no regrets because those were also the most precious memories I have with Big E. I believe our bond was built that way. We share our dreams and we share the yawns and snores…

It was a special zone that no one else can enter and hubby was shoo shoo off By Big E every night at bedtime.

But hubby started co sleeping with Big E after I got hospitalised. It was a bad transition for Big E and I went back to sleeping with her after my condition stabilise a little and I realised I really missed it. I was hospitalised 5 times in total and she eventually got used to hubby.

After Small E arrived, Big E continued co-sleeping with hubby till we moved to our new place where she got her own room!

So now I am counting my nights with Small E one by one… cherishing it while it lasts…

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